I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
