I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
