You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
