I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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