i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
