3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
