She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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