Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
