Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
