If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize