Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
