dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
