great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize