It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Cover your peen. We're going out.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize