I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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