Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
