we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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