I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
