But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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