and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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