2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Two words: blizzard sex
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
