you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
