Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
