hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
