i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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