If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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