Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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