Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
