More tranny stories later!
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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