I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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