Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
