somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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