after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
