Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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