Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize