How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
