Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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