so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
