"it" just moved
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
