Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
