um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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