Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize