He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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