Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
