if you like me you must not know who I am
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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