dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just want to make out with him forever
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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