you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
