I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
