how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize