i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
