I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
