On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
