He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
