dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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