i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
