my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
