How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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