I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
