I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
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You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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