Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
