Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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