why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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