There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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