U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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