It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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