What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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