Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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