I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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