does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
